Paddle for Your Life

I feel like I have a theme going in my blogs that make me appear to be either scared, or out of shape, or both at the same time. I’m not denying it, but I’m truthfully most proud of myself for those two things. I constantly push myself to overcome fears, and to pursue a stronger body and mind. I don’t always succeed, but I always learn that I am capable of more than I think I am.

One of my fears is the fear of heights, or more specifically, the fear of falling. Due to that (after a bit of hyperventilation) I find strength in staring that fear in the face and saying “Not today, Satan.” There’s no better feeling than being able to look at something that seems so insurmountable, and knowing I did that.

A little over a year ago, I visited one of my friends in Phoenix. We decided to do some hiking, and one of the main attractions is Camelback. For those of you who are unfamiliar, it’s a huge mountain that has two paths to the top. One path is incredibly hard, like you are crawling most of the way, and the other path is decently hard, like you are crawling the last half of the way. All I was told was this was the “easy path.” In comparison, sure, it was easier. But easy? Definitely not.

The first half was pretty simple, but when we reached a little over halfway up, it became clear that there were no more trails. We were legitimately rock climbing the rest of the way. My upper body was not ready for the amount of times I had to heave myself over large rocks, but I was determined to do it by myself. I took probably five minutes trying to find my way over one particular rock, denying kind strangers the offer to just give me a boost. I tried the high kick to get my foot at the top of it, thinking I could pull myself up with my arms and that one foot; I tried my best version of a pull up; I tried staring at the crevices in the rock to see if there were any little cracks I could slide my foot in to attempt the climb. After a few children maneuvered their way up it (also seemingly a theme with my posts), I was able to push off another rock to gain the momentum needed to reach the top and throw myself over it.

It was basically that situation for the next hour, scaling the side of the mountain, learning that I was not actually heading in the right direction and if I lost my grip I would most certainly fall to my death. Then we made it, the top. The view was breathtaking. Both the actual view of the city and the view of the male sports team from a local college that was using the mountain as their workout, showoffs. We sat there eating our snacks for a little while (my rewards usually involve food), until we decided it was time to head back down.

Usually, down is the easy part. It’s down! But when you remember that you had to climb your way up, that means you have to climb your way down. Your sight is limited, and your momentum is headed in the same direction as your likely death.

We made it to a steep decline, with a lot of little rocks scattered across it. It’s narrow, lined with some medium sized rocks, but with the mountain’s drop off directly to the side of it. I’m trying to slowly make my way down, careful to not slip on the tiny pebbles, when I slip on a tiny freaking pebble. I feel my body being propelled forward, my feet about to slide out from under me. In that split second, my brain tries to sort through the options. There is sure death if I tumble over these rocks to my side; if I let myself just fall here, will I be able to stop myself from rolling over them? If I let myself fall, will I break something and then have to make it to the helipad? I know if I don’t do anything, if I don’t decide on a route, that is a decision in itself.

I decide in that half second to be a ninja. I honestly can’t tell you how I managed it. I wish I could say I’m trained in parkour. But I decided to use my downward momentum to jump from the rock to my left, with sure death, to the rock to my right, with sure death, and continued that until I landed at the bottom. I legitimately hopped from rock to rock in a parkour-like fashion and did not fall. I made it to the bottom and landed, my eyes wide. I didn’t die. I didn’t even break anything.

In amazement I look at the people around me, they are all wide-eyed too. Suddenly, there’s applause. “We thought you were a goner for sure,” people shouted. I look back at my friend who was behind me; she’s doubled over laughing about halfway down. I get some high fives. I feel LEGIT. The rest of the way down I feel like I just won the gold in Xtreme Mountain Climbing.

I often think back to that moment, not only because it makes me feel really accomplished and cool, but because I trusted myself to make the right decision. It could have ended badly, but really, any decision I made in that moment could have ended badly. No matter what we do in life, we have so many decisions before us. Doing nothing is a decision in itself, and one I was familiar with. I was so afraid to make the real decisions, the real choices that could seriously change my life, because what if I tumble over the edge? What if I break my ankle? But staying on this path, deciding to not parkour across the rocks, could still lead to me tumbling over the edge.

Though that particular decision was life or death, most of the decisions we are faced with are not. Our version of tumbling over the edge leads to possible embarrassment, failure, maybe loss of money or friendships. But these decisions, they aren’t final. You don’t have to remain in the result of a decision you don’t like. You can make another decision.

Most things are only as permanent as we want them to be. It’s so easy to get stuck in a mindset that nothing can change, nothing will change. Change is hard. Change is uncomfortable. Change is making the tough call, weighing your options, jumping out of your comfort zone. But, change is the chance for new opportunities.

We are all on roads taking us to destinations that we’ve picked out (or hope for), but so many times we think we cannot change lanes. We think we can’t take another exit or change our destination mid-way through our trip. We are the drivers of our lives, so if we are unhappy with the journey, we have the ability to change it. Whether that means we change careers, leave jobs, leave relationships, turn short-distance into long-distance or vice versa, spend money on the international trip you’ve always wanted, or the tattoo you’ve been thinking about. We have autonomy over our lives but so often we feel like we’re being swept along in the current of life. Going too fast to change directions. Going too fast to stop and think about if the direction we’re going is even the direction we want to go.

There are always sacrifices to be made, if the decision is big enough. Do I move away from my friends and family? How hard is starting over going to be? How will my life be affected with an added responsibility? What if it’s a huge mistake? The reality is; it may be. But, what if it’s not?

Fear keeps us where we’ve been. If where you’ve been, or where you are, isn’t where you want to go, if you look at your life right now and know that you want something different, then you have to embrace change and all of the uncertainty that comes with it. Fear can be an opportunity or it can be a roadblock, you can choose how you use it.

Let this sink in: Your next stop doesn’t have to be your final destination unless you want it to be. Your next decision doesn’t have to be the last one you ever make. Your decisions do not have to be permanent.

You just have to make them. If you move and it’s terrible, come back. If you decide on a career change and you hate it, change it again. We are not chained to the lives we’re leading. We don’t have to be swept along. We can change courses, we can stop, we can even risk the rapids; the choice is ours.

Get out the oar and paddle for your life. It is YOUR LIFE. It’s worth paddling against currents for. It’s worth getting washed up on some shores for. You will run into hardships. You will fail, over and over again. Until you don’t.

So be bold, babe, and choose to embrace your fears as wild opportunities to find answers, to pursue the life you long for, wherever that may lead you.

xoxo

Bold Babe