Watermelon Your Way

Hello, again. It’s been a little while since my last blog post (not that I expect anyone to notice), but #life. Luckily enough for you, during this little two week hiatus I happen to experience another public humiliation which reminded me it was time for another post, so let’s get started.

One of my best friends got married this past weekend (if you’ve been following my 27 dresses like life, this was my second wedding in the same month). As in all rehearsals, we practiced entering, exiting, the typical “where to stand” pieces of a rehearsal with only one hiccup in that the groomsman I was walking down the aisle with grabbed my arm to exit like I was the man escorting him down the aisle. I honestly wish that was the story here, but that is but a minor byline. The officiant was not at the rehearsal, so we didn’t practice the actual ceremony. But who cares, right? They say some sweet things, exchange vows, kiss and hoorah! We’re ready to head to the party. No need to practice the meat of it all.

So that night before the wedding we stay at the hotel they are holding the reception in, and one of the other bridesmaids and I are sharing the pullout couch. For starters, I sleep alone. This is already a little uncomfortable; I don’t want to whack this girl in the face in the middle of the night. To top it off, I live alone. This means, if I hear sounds coming from the place I’m sleeping in, it’s a murderer and it’s time for me to FIGHT OR FLIGHT. However, when four bridesmaids are sharing the same sleeping space and the A/C kicks on every 10 minutes with a surprising jolt each time, I’m experiencing adrenaline and panic rush through me pretty consistently throughout the night.

The next day is wedding day and I am fairly exhausted, but I’m pumped to get our girl married. We get our hair done, our makeup done, it’s time to roll. Everything is going really well, no one trips down the aisle, the bride is beautiful and I (think) I’m remembering to soft smile so I don’t have RBF in these pictures. It’s time for the officiant to start the ceremony, and even though we never practiced this part, I feel pretty confident. The agenda said it was only going to last 20 minutes or so, nothing to worry about.

We pretty much immediately go into a prayer, sounds good. We’re in a church, no surprises there’s a prayer here and there. Over the next 10 minutes we go through a few more prayers. Not expecting it but totally fine, God’s all up in here. About five prayers in or so, though, the officiant says something along the lines of “Let’s say The Lord’s Prayer together.” Immediately I freeze. Did I hear that right? Did she say let’s? Like everyone is saying this prayer together?

Before full panic can ensue, everyone, and I literally mean every person in the room (those attending and the entire wedding party), start saying this prayer in perfect unison. The only ones in the entire church who don’t know what the hell (where we’re apparently headed) is happening are myself and the bridesmaid in front of me. The photographer and videographer are obviously recording us doing this, so I make a quick, sleep-deprived decision to just pretend like I know it.

How long could it possibly be, you know? Pretend to say a few words, and the video will likely just be clips anyway so as long as my mouth looks like it’s moving maybe I won’t completely destroy the aesthetic. I find a groomsman across the room that looks like he’s confident with the words, so I start repeating what he’s saying like half a second after everyone else. Some words are just completely jibberish as I’m trying, and typically failing, to predict what’s coming next. I thought I could get away with this because prayers are typically pretty short. Alas, this was the unabridged version. The version that lasts at least 90 solid seconds.

I can’t back out now. I’ve committed to pretending to know it, so if I just stopped mid-prayer it would look more conspicuous than just finishing this out. After every sentence I send up a tiny prayer of my own that it’s over, but it Just. Keeps. Going. I think the groomsman I’ve chosen is getting scared of my prolonged contact at his mouth; I’m starting to sweat; how long is this prayer?! It’s feeling a lot like that scene in Game of Thrones when Cersei is walking down the street while everyone is shouting “Shame.”

Have you ever felt really confident about a song because you know you can nail the chorus, but then it goes into verse two and you can only nail every fourth word or so, and you’re basically just mumbling your way through it but you’re coming off that high of the chorus where you crushed it so you’re still trying? This was like verse two on steroids. It finally ends, and I sigh in painful relief. I know I chose wrong. I should have just stayed silent. Me mouthing “kajdkfjalkdjfaikjdf” in the video is going to look so much worse, in hindsight.

After the ceremony ends and we are all waiting in the parlor for our time to head back out, I joke with the bride about not giving us a heads up we were going to have to have something memorized. Everyone, minus the other bridesmaid (who chose to stay silent- good call), looks at me in utter disbelief. How could I not know The Lord’s Prayer?? Look y’all, the prayer I’m most familiar with is me promising God I won’t drink again if he’ll take away my hangover. You hit 25 and suddenly two drinks is a wild night. But I didn’t know the prayer, and though that shocked the congregation, it didn’t shock me.

There are so many times where I don’t feel like I particularly fit in. I don’t feel “in the know” or “up-to-date.” I had to have a friend explain to me what “bet” meant (if you don’t know what it means either, you probably have a skincare routine that includes anti-wrinkle cream and that’s okay, welcome to your kind of people, grab a seat). There are always going to be situations where you feel out of place, but that doesn’t mean you don’t belong.

Everyone has a role to play, and not everyone’s role should be the same. For me, I am not known amongst my friend group for being knowledgeable about pop culture. I am definitely not “hip.” When it comes to the Kardashians, my extent of knowledge is Chris Pratt’s character giving that amazing one liner on Parks and Recreation. I thought Vanderpump Rules was about a shoe company and Real Housewives about the 1950’s.

You can know three languages and be terrible with fashion. You can look like an absolute potato and still be the reigning flip cup champ. You can know all the relevant stats of your favorite basketball team, and not know the names of the first five presidents. You can have the ability to quote The Office, but you’d burn every batch of Kevin’s famous chili.

It’s okay to not be good at everything. You can still be a knowledgeable person, without having to know it all. I could have easily been embarrassed or felt like a heathen for not knowing that lengthy prayer, but instead I chose to watermelon it. I literally said jibberish during The Lord’s Prayer, so you can do pretty much anything.

So be bold, babe, and embrace the things you know; watermelon the rest.

xoxo

Bold Babe